Take my book ... please

When I e-published my first novel a few years ago, too many people said they wanted it in book form. Well, now it is ... with a bonus second book.

The original, “The Reporter and the Ferret,” is joined by “The Reporter and the Hurricane” in both a paperback and a Kindle version available through Amazon under the cover title of “The Reporter, a Ferret and a Hurricane.”
I would be honored if you choose to give the book a try and doubly so if you find it worthy of recommending or gifting to a friend.
For the paperback, I suggest going straight to the publisher at CreateSpace. Click here for the paperback version and click here for the Kindle version.

Ignorant litterbugs

Driving the bypass yesterday morning, I encountered roadside trash pickup crews cleaning up the messes of ignorant people. 

It infuriates me to no end that jerks still throw trash out their windows. 

Hey, idiots, if the ugliness of your laziness doesn’t bother you enough, have you at least considered how much money you cost us? Simply because you are too thoughtless, selfish, lazy and stupid to contain and dispose of your trash. 

Spread the word: Litterbugs are ignorant, lazy, thoughtless, selfish jerks.

Truth in advertising

The insurance ad says, “It’s not just a vehicle; it’s who you are.” 

Studying my transportation options outside, I find I’m a good bit older than average, have a lot of body damage, not too fast, creak over the bumps, have dim eyes, emit foul odors and have questionable starting ability in cold weather.

Bladder cancer and me

I’ve been nagged over the years by a suspicion my heart was in danger of crashing. That very concern helped drive me to the doctor for a checkup in August. My heart passed various tests with flying colors, but there was another problem. As it turns out, I had a tumor in my bladder.

Cancer is something I never really considered as a threat, but in a few minutes one afternoon in early October, I went from thinking I was dealing with another kidney stone to facing cancer.

Let me address the big question quickly. There are still some questions remaining, but we hope the entire tumor was removed a couple of weeks ago. It seems likely I’ll go through the surgery again, but the jury’s still out on that. Once we’re confident all of it is gone, what follows is a regimen of treatments (to stifle further growths) and regular checkups designed to catch new tumors in the earliest stages. The survival rate for bladder cancer caught at this stage is very high.

Why am I telling you this? Because there were signs that should have alerted me to a possible problem, but I did not follow up on them because I thought I knew what was going on. I just knew in my heart I had a kidney stone.

My simple message: If you see blood in your urine, get it checked out.

If you know someone who might benefit from following my story, I have a page where I’m writing about it. The idea is to motivate to action and to alleviate concerns by explaining the process. You’ll find it at http://www.squidoo.com/bladder-cancer-and-me.

One final thought: I know many of you will feel you should write a quick note to me, and that’s fine. But more importantly, share with your friends the warning I’m sounding.

Baffled by DQ

I really like Dairy Queen. There's something comforting and down-home about the chain of restaurants.

The stores are usually locally owned (or do a great job of appearing to be) and they're operated with a sense of community. The food is consistent; you know what to expect wherever you are. They actually make malts when most places only offer shakes.

I've always loved the advertising slogan of the affiliation of stores in the Lone Star State, where they designate the red Dairy Queen logo as a "Texas stop sign."

The restaurant is such a fixture that I included it as an item on the A Small Town In Texas project.

But, then ...

With all that said, there is one negative thing ... equally consistent ... I simply cannot understand.

Why are Dairy Queen rest rooms so terrible?

I'm sure there are exceptions, but the memories of any I've encountered are obliterated by the vast majority of DQ rest rooms that are filthy.

I get it that Dairy Queen wants to be associated with memories of the good old days, but maybe it's OK to spark those memories with food and friendly service, trusting that a clean, modern rest room only enhances the experience.

Use the comment section to share your own stories and/or tell me I’m wrong.

Bad timing

Do you think McDonald's might be having a few regrets in Texas about its latest billboard campaign?

Should you not understand this because you're not up with current Texas events (or you're looking at an old entry), much of Texas, including the area where this was taken in Bryan, has been fighting record wildfires. The fire that caught the nation's attention, at Bastrop near Austin, was said last night to be only 30 percent contained, had burned 36,000 acres and destroyed 1,400 homes. Two fires near Bryan had burned 4,000 and 5,000 acres and consumed dozens of homes.

A Small Town in Texas

“I’m from a small town in Texas.” It’s become a cliché. Texans often compete over who came from or who lives in the smaller town.

Yet, there are people who do not understand what a small town is, that it is far more than simply being a community of few people. Furthermore, they might tend to lump small towns together, totally ignorant to the vast differences between Overton (population 2,350) and Port Aransas (3,370).

So, let’s help them out. If you have knowledge of one or more small towns in Texas, I beg your participation in an ambitious project I’ve kicked off called, naturally, “A Small Town in Texas.”

Its origin is rooted in a long-ago desire to put together a travel book using local recommendations for local dining places. I’ve visited too many great cafes that I would not have entered without the word of a local resident. Now, with the power of the Internet and social communities, I’ve taken the idea past restaurants to ask Texans to tell the world about their little towns.

If you have information or opinions about one or more small towns in Texas, please pitch in. I began with populations of about 5,000 or smaller and have used only incorporated towns. I do not mind using slightly larger towns and will include unincorporated communities as things go along.

At this moment, I have 59 pages built for towns ranging from Port Isabel in the southern tip of the state to Texline and Sanford in the Panhandle, from Anthony near El Paso to Hemphill near the Sabine River.

Start at www.squidoo.com/a-small-town-in-texas and find your towns on the list. Click through and participate. You may identify yourself if you wish or you may remain anonymous. Tell us the neat things about the town. Be sure to vote in the Speed Trap poll. Each town even has comment areas to list or talk about the good things for which the town is known and even the not-so-good things. Fill in the gaps on the page about schools, fire department, shopping, etc., and, by all means, suggest what else should be added.

If you do not find your town listed, go to the bottom of the page – “Where to, buddy?” – and tell me what town should be added next.

ONE MORE THING ... Please spread the word to your friends. The more, the merrier.

By the way, this is my first mention of the pages to anyone, so you’re getting in on the ground floor. That is, you have a lot of information you may add.

Madness fun

Are you ready for some NCAA basketball tournament Madness?

A Texas Voice is sponsoring a somewhat different approach to the traditional tournament bracket pick’em contest. I’ve set it up under Yahoo’s fantasy sports and have named the group Crazy Brackets.

No longer funny

Face it, Charlie Sheen is toast ... and so should be his career.

We are family

You have surely heard about the killer earthquake Tuesday in Christchurch, New Zealand. Media outlets in the U.S. have given the story some play over these first several hours, though that will likely die down rather quickly, particularly if things in Libya continue to deteriorate/accelerate.

Valentine code

I stumbled across an article on MarieClaire.com that purports to decode what particular Valentine’s Day gifts really mean.

Stop the hate speech

Information about the shooting of U.S. Rep Gabrielle Giffords was slow getting to me Saturday. Instead of monitoring news, I was nursing a cold with old movies, sports and frequent naps.

Therefore, by the time I heard about the killing of six and wounding of more than a dozen in Tucson, there were plenty of people already pointing fingers.

What's that?

Though I kept telling myself it was the same thing and I knew the rewards could greatly outweigh the inconveniences, there remained years and years of delays, excuses and procrastination.

When I was 12, the school nurse told my mother about my poor eyesight. In short order, I was wearing glasses from the time I rolled out of bed until my head hit the pillow at night. Minor changes to my life paid great dividends in being able to see clearly.

When I was somewhere in my 40s, I became aware of the fact I could not hear as well in my right ear as my left. Instead of promptly addressing my hearing loss and getting a hearing aid, I made adjustments.

Thank you, Charles Dickens

"Bah! Humbug!" – Ebenezer Scrooge

"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide; and, if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death." – Ghost of Jacob Marley

"Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change. Say it is thus with what you show me!" - Scrooge

"I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy. I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to every-body! A happy New Year to all the world! Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!" - Scrooge

"God bless us every one!" - Tiny Tim

“Merry Christmas, y’all!” – me

Farewell ... kinda

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
For all the thought I’ve given this, I don’t know where to start. After 18 years as a self-syndicated newspaper columnist, how do I start my last column?

Well, I guess that will do.

I heart Texas

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

I’ve often heard of The Village Voice, perhaps the original so-called alternative weekly news tabloid in New York City, but don’t recall ever reading it. A link to an article headlined “50 Reasons to Be Pretty D*** Euphoric You Live in New York City” quickly changed that.

Big news

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

 A wonderful thing about the Internet is the ease of checking out what’s of interest in other parts of the country and the world.

He said / she said

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
“Who works harder: Mom or Dad?” was the headline of an article on the Web site cozi.com. It listed 14 household chores and asked more than 700 moms and dads whether they or their partner did the bulk of each chore. To no surprise, in every chore, one sex thought it did more than the other gave it credit.

Passionate reason

A good and longtime friend posted the following quote on his Facebook page:

"Passion should overwhelm reason time and again."

Here's my sign

On the way home yesterday, driving about 70 mph on the bypass, a car breezed by me on the inside lane. That’s not unusual as a fair number of drivers will squeeze a little extra out of the speed limit; I suspect we’ve all done it both consciously and absent-mindedly.

First Amendment goes both ways

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

The U.S. Supreme Court recently heard arguments from the father of a Marine killed in an accident while serving in Iraq.

A funny thing happened ...

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
Tired of electing clowns to public office? The people of Brazil appear to have a solution. They elected a clown to public office.

You know, a clown wearing a blond wig, red hat and a gaudy outfit and going by the name of Grumpy.

Who's serve?

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
Table tennis, what we’ve always called pingpong, has been around more than a hundred years and has woven its way throughout my life.

Marketing 101

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
“Hey there, Steve, haven’t seen much of you lately.”

Howdy, Bubba. Yeah, it’s been a while.

Get gas, eat here

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale---
“Do you remember Stuckey’s stores along the Interstates?” I asked my dad Sunday.

MOR $ 4 U

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

It looks like the state of Texas may have found a golden egg in the form of its new, seven-character vehicle license plates.

A plot with a view

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
You’ve heard people say, “Somebody just walked over my grave,” when they experienced goose bumps or shivers running down their spine.

I do not know the origin of that old saying, but I now know where to look whenever the feeling occurs. Yes, I am now the proud owner of a burial plot. Man, do I feel all grown up and responsible.

Lies for fun and profit

Do not read the next paragraph unless you promise to read what follows ... OK?

Three Alaskan vacation columns

Following are three columns related to our summer vacation, a dream trip to Alaska that ranks as one of the best ever.

Looking down the road

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

“I love our place,” my wife is fond of exclaiming.

So long, my friend

We were surprised Sunday to receive word of the death of a friend, perhaps more surprised to learn he had been seriously ill for several months.

2-D for me, please

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
Originally released for publication July 14, 2010

Like a kid enamored by a new catchphrase or clothing style, the movie industry has latched onto 3-D as if it is the natural progression of entertainment.

Oh, that’s different

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
Originally released for publication July 7, 2010


It all started with a television commercial for some furniture store.

“I’m not a licensed interior decorator,” the spokeswoman said, “but ...”

Seeing red again ... finally

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

Originally released for publication June 30, 2010

Things are looking up; we have new hope our nation might be on the path out of a 20-year case of the doldrums.

Last Sunday, 10 people were arrested in the eastern United States and charged with conspiracy to act as an agent of a foreign government without notifying the U.S. attorney general. Yep, they are accused of being spies.

Explain it to me

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

An article on LifeScience.com says doctors have noted “a significant rise in skin cancer incidents, especially among young women” and they seem confident they can link that increase to the growing popularity of tanning beds.

Big 12-2 = Econo 10?

Weeks of threats, schemes, rumors, desertions, plans and counter-plans came to an abrupt and, according to some pundits, surprising halt June 14 when the Big 12 Conference seemed to close a wound and limit its loss to two schools.

Ground Control to Ginger

Originally released for publication June 2, 2010


Some things are too good to pass up. You see, I really don’t want to write this column.

My primary concern is it will appear I am taking advantage of a woman who is simply not too bright. Another is feeding her desire for publicity. Yet another concern is it will seem I’m so lazy that I couldn’t pass up an incredibly easy target for a column.

Let's get real

Note: originally released for publication May 26, 2010

While oil drillers, petroleum engineers and other experts are frantically trying to stifle the blown out BP well in the Gulf of Mexico, most of the rest of us are doing what we do best.

We’re complaining about the government ever allowing something to go wrong, about big business contributing to the problem by not caring about the little guy, about ... well, about the fact it makes us feel bad.

Turn to the magic

Last Sunday, for the first time in five years, I was able to take a sunrise walk on the beach. I felt the cooling breeze on an already warm day, watched gliding pelicans and anxious sea gulls, sat on the jetty eyeing boats in the channel ... but the uhmmmm moment, that connection with it all that I so fondly recall, failed to appear.

Squish of gardening

While recently helping my wife in the garden, I flashed back some 30 years.

My get up and go ...

Live long enough and it’s a question that slowly creeps up on you: “Am I middle-aged already?”

Choosing battles

Pulled up behind a pickup yesterday with a bumper sticker, “Save the Ta-tas.”

Pedaling together

From a friend I received note of a feel-good story that, upon reflection, I fear is emblematic of what concerns me most about the near future of our country.

The story: Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood announced what he called a "sea change" in transportation policy. On his blog, he wrote, “People across America who value bicycling should have a voice when it comes to transportation planning. This is the end of favoring motorized transportation at the expense of non-motorized.”

Want a coke with that?

It’s a scene I’ve seen played out thousands of times.

“Y’all want something to drink?”

“Yeah, gimme a coke.”

“What kind?”

“Dr Pepper.”

What have they done now?

Not one to keep up with what’s going on in the private worlds of entertainers, athletes, politicians and other superstars, I might have been the last one here to get word about the release Tuesday of the tell-all book, “Oprah: A Biography.”

Time keeps on slippin’, slippin', slippin' ...

Does anyone really get everything done? Everything? On time?

100 ... and counting

She was born the daughter of Arkansas sharecroppers, one of two surviving triplets and the 10th of 11 children. Her family moved to Saginaw, Texas, when she was 8 and since then she’s not lived more than two miles from the town north of Fort Worth.

Not in the past 92 years.

No more White-Out

Next time you’re tempted to wish for the good ol’ days, compare and contrast typing to keyboarding.

A drive across the USA

All aboard.

Fast forward warning

Once again, the modern world has dragged Leah and me into its wake.

You gotta earn it

“If you can't give BETTER than online service, why should anyone care whether you survive or not?”

With that summation, an anonymous comment took to task an errant assumption in last week’s column, that supporting locally owned businesses is inherently better for the consumer.

That's our policy

“I just closed my account after 44 years of being at the same bank,” my friend said.

One good pun deserves another

This week’s lesson is on outright thievery. That and the groaning fun of a good pun.

Careful what you ask for

What was it, maybe five or six months ago that we were crying for rain?

Tough and dangerous

Do you remember, back in the day, the excitement over the arrival of the annual Sears & Roebuck catalog? It was an institution in itself. I’m sure settlers moved more confidently toward the west due to the fact Sears & Roebuck shipped whatever was needed.

Valentine victories

It’s OK, guys, really. Sure, Valentine’s Day is all mushy and smoochy, but that’s not such a bad thing.

Play day at home

Having most of the day to myself Monday, I started by making a list of things we needed and wanted to do around the house.

As the day warmed up, I finally ventured outside and started piddling around, a little of this and a little of that, like pulling leaves out of the goldfish pond in the back yard.

Counting on kindness

We’ve talked here before about acts of kindness, simple deeds that convey the message one person cares about others. We’ve talked about them being random, little things or large acts. We’ve talked about how they benefit individuals and society in general.

Bob Votruba is taking things a step or two further.

Move it, move it

I am not a doctor, nor am I a physical trainer or weight-loss expert, so consider the following advice along with a grain of sea salt.

That said, I believe the vast majority of us who need to lose weight – a number that grows with waistlines during the holidays – are better served looking at our lifestyles rather than drugs, concoctions or weird apparel that are promised to make us magically “lose weight without really trying.”

Sliding into Christmas

We had our Christmas maneuvers carefully designed, but we all know what they say about the best-laid plans.

Top 10 forgettables

It’s that time of year when we take a glance in life’s rear-view mirror, think “I still need to lose weight,” and reflect on the top stories of the year. This year, however, many are lumping together 2000-2009 and eyeing the top stories of the decade.

What is Christmas?

Originally published Dec. 24, 2003

What is Christmas to you?

Roscoe: Hmm. Good question. I guess it's a nice break from routine. That includes parties and fun times with friends like all of us here. I mean, would we all be here tonight if it wasn't for Christmas?

Techno rap

Technological advances over the past 35 years can be a bit dizzying.

Christmas monster

There’s a monster in our house ... and we put it there.

What were we thinking?

But once a year

(c) 2009 by Steve Martaindale

With thanks given and Black Friday behind us, we now ease into that most wonderful time of the year.

Given all the commercial hoopla that now surrounds Christmas, all the pressure to have the best decorations and correct gifts, it might be easy to forget why we look forward to the yuletide season.

It’s frying time again

(c) 2009 by Steve Martaindale

You remember the fantastic public service announcement from the Advertising Council that depicted an egg as “your brain.” They then cracked the egg into a hot, greasy skillet: “This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?”

That came to mind today as I shuffled through a collection of recent news stories that became stories because someone got carried away with one form of drug or another.

A good egg

(c) 2009 by Steve Martaindale

A visit with the in-laws last weekend also gave us a chance to check up on Henny, Penny and Wanda.

As two-thirds of the names suggest, they are, in fact, chickens.

Texas dining

Bruce Buschel, a blogger with www.nytimes.com in the small business section, is apparently opening a new restaurant in New York next year. Preparing for such, he posted on the blog his list of 100 things restaurant staffers should never do.

It was a laundry list of things that often annoy diners (find links to his two-part series here and here), but it also contained references that might seem foreign to many of us Texans. For instance, No. 4 says, “If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche.”

Amuse them with what?

With the help of a few friends and readers, here is a glance at tips for restaurant staffers in Texas:

1. Greet all customers with a hearty “Howdy” or “How are y’all?”

Sounds of comfort

The following A Texas Voice column was originally released for publication Aug. 5, 2009.
(c) 2009 by Steve Martaindale
---
With hearing that’s not as sharp as it once was, it is surprising at times what sounds I do pick up.

A couple of weeks ago, Leah said she would like fish for dinner if I could catch a mess. It looked promising as a couple of small bass found my hook.

Maybe bigger is better

This A Texas Voice column was first released for publication on May 9, 2007. Note that was well before people starting fretting over a failing housing market. Prophetic? No. Observant? Maybe.

(c) 2007 by Steve Martaindale

---

I met a man the other day, a former Texan who now lives in Florida, and he was talking about visiting someone in a Houston suburb: “I couldn’t believe how huge the houses are. I mean, what do those people do to make that kind of money?”

That’s an old song with us. Leah has joked for years that she wanted to knock on a few doors and ask that very question of the occupants of incredibly large houses. I would also like to know, “Why do you need a home so big?”