One good pun deserves another

This week’s lesson is on outright thievery. That and the groaning fun of a good pun.
Following is a list of puns and wordplay sent in by a friend who is himself a skilled practitioner of the art, leading me to reply with the ancient observation that punsters should be drawn and quoted.

Enjoy:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into an alley, and one was a salted.

4. Police were called to a daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

5. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, 'It's Not Unusual'."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

13. I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and was standing in the lobby discussing recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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No. 19 is my favorite. Click on the word "comment" to vote for your favorite and, even more importantly, share your own best pun. Click on the envelope to share with your friends.