(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
“Who works harder: Mom or Dad?” was the headline of an article on the Web site cozi.com. It listed 14 household chores and asked more than 700 moms and dads whether they or their partner did the bulk of each chore. To no surprise, in every chore, one sex thought it did more than the other gave it credit.
What I found interesting was the list itself. Following is the list with thoughts about the chores themselves and/or differing perceptions on their execution:
Scheduling / planning – This is a chore? It sounds like putting “make a to-do list” on a to-do list so you have something to cross off. It’s little wonder women dominate this “chore” because most guys just react to something instead of scheduling a reaction.
Back-to-school shopping – OK, this is a once-a-year event, one headachy necessity, hardly worthy of mentioning among a family’s chores. Besides, the school-produced lists have become incredibly specific (1) so Johnny’s box of crayons isn’t larger than Bobby’s and (2) because many supplies are pooled and shared communally. I predict it will soon be taken over by the school and you’ll just get a bill.
Holiday gift shopping – Like back-to-school shopping, this is only an annual event, but few people accomplish it in one or two trips, so it might deserve a spot on the list. However, women dominate it not because men are unwilling but because the women do not trust the men.
Grocery shopping – This one is obvious. One person is likely the principal grocery shopper and makes the major trip every week or two. The other person helps by making stops to fill in the gaps, getting things not thought of during the major trip and things the primary shopper didn’t think the secondary shopper needed.
Laundry – So, maybe one person actually washes, dries and puts away the clothes, but the other person usually throws used clothes into the hamper, so that should count for something.
Cooking – The definition of cooking might be the major point of difference in this category. There are plenty of male cooks, but many men would throw together a “meal” women would find lacking in completeness. For example, she might contend it’s not a meal without vegetables and he might reply, “Open a can of peas if you want them.”
Carpooling to kids’ activities – Here’s another definition issue. Women think carpooling means getting together with all the other moms and coordinating who is taking the group of kids to soccer practice today. Men will just load up their kid or kids and go.
Attending kids’ events – I’ll admit this one irks me more than a little. Since when is attending your kids’ events a chore? And why is it up to only one parent to do so? As much as possible, both mom and dad should attend the events and categorize it under “pleasure,” not “chore.”
Cleaning the house – This also should be listed as a “pleasure” ... all right, just kidding. It’s a lot like cooking. To a man, a clean house might mean simply having everything important to him in the right place. The woman might put more emphasis on wiping down surfaces, putting clothes into drawers and closets and removing soap rings from sinks.
Vacation planning – Show me a couple who considers vacation planning to be a chore and I’ll show you people who are glad to get back to work. Instead of assigning the task to one person or another, the two should dream, research and plan together.
Household finances – I’m guessing this means paying the bills, something that likely needs one person in charge. Through the decades, my wife and I have occasionally traded off who paid bills. Now, she pays bills by mail and I pay bills online. Surprisingly, that’s working for us.
Seasonal projects – Just what this means is a mystery to me. Putting up Christmas decorations? Storing the lawn mower for the winter?
Yard work – This chore had the narrowest differences between mom and dad. Sixty-nine percent of men said they did the yard work and 58 percent of women agreed. Twenty-five percent of women said they did the yard work and 19 percent of men agreed.
Home repair – Not quite as clearly delineated as yard work, home repair was still rather well agreed upon. That might be true of both categories because they also fell among those most likely delegated to someone else through the hiring of outside help.
OK, readers, what did I miss? Share your comments on who carries the load with household chores.
(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
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