(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
Tired of electing clowns to public office? The people of Brazil appear to have a solution. They elected a clown to public office.
You know, a clown wearing a blond wig, red hat and a gaudy outfit and going by the name of Grumpy.
His name is Francisco Everardo Oliveira Silva, but fans across Brazil know him as Tiririca, which we’re told is translated as “Grumpy.”
It wasn’t simply that he received enough votes to avoid a runoff; one could consider it a clown mandate – 1.3 million votes, more than double that of the second place candidate.
He did not confuse the race by making it about politics. Instead, he courted disillusioned voters with the slogan, “It can’t get any worse.” He promised to do nothing in Congress but report to voters how politicians spend their time.
“What does a congressman do?” asked his campaign advertisements. “The truth is I don't know, but vote for me and I'll tell you.”
Just like politics here, he had to endure a last-minute smear campaign as public prosecutors attempted to subvert Tiririca with charges he is illiterate. Apparently, voters don’t consider that too important and it’s hardly a requirement for someone who promises to do nothing.
Jealous Americans might get their own opportunity to elect a clown of sorts.
By the time this reaches readers, the Naked Cowboy is to have made his official announcement as a candidate for U.S. president.
Surely, you’ve seen Naked Cowboy Robert Burck, a street musician who serenades passersby in Times Square. His gimmick is he wears only a cowboy hat, brief white pants and boots. All he has to keep him warm in the winter is the long blond hair flowing onto his muscled back and the guitar he holds up front. I have no idea what he sings and it’s possible most viewers don’t notice, either.
According to a press release from Naked Cowboy, he seeks to empower people and the free market and not be “a president intent on empowering government and misappropriating the resources of the productive class.”
“My entire platform and all of my policies and decisions will be organized so as to achieve a much smaller, fiscally responsible, decentralized federal government, a robust economy run strictly on free market principles, and the strongest national defense on Earth.”
Naked Cowboy’s statement sets him apart from Tiririca because the buffed-up singer indicates he definitely plans to do more than watch and report. He’s going to fix things.
It’s not like we haven’t allowed performers access to public office in the past – Ronald Reagan, Arnold Swarzenegger, Fred Thompson, Jack Kemp, Fred Grandy, Sonny Bono, Shirley Temple, Clint Eastwood, Al Franken, Jesse Ventura and one clown, Jerry Springer.
Maybe electing an entire slate of clowns would be a good idea. It’s not like a lot would change. Soon, they would pick sides and start blaming each other for overpriced grease paint and low-quality balloons. Next election cycle, we might opt to replace them all with illiterates.
(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
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