Explain it to me

(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale

An article on LifeScience.com says doctors have noted “a significant rise in skin cancer incidents, especially among young women” and they seem confident they can link that increase to the growing popularity of tanning beds.

While talking about how deadly melanoma is, the article also discusses why people continue to tan, even utilizing an artificial sun, in spite of the knowledge it may lead to cancer. They say a person can become addicted to the tanning experience.

As a teen, I spent time lying in the sun in hopes of altering my pale skin because I thought it would make me look better ... I guess. There was also a time I wore a white belt and white shoes with seersucker pants. None of it worked.

The bottom line is that lying in a tanning bed is just one more thing I do not understand.

That’s not to judge the practice or put it down. I simply do not understand and I am pretty certain I never will.

Neither should you be tempted to write off my condition as old codger talk because tanning joins a list of things I’ve never understood.

Another popular practice I cannot wrap my brain around is tattoos. I might be in the minority now as an adult without a tattoo, but the concept never attracted me.

Maybe my problem with getting a tattoo (in addition to the fact I regularly attempt to avoid pain) is I have written enough stuff through the years that I regretted. Let’s face it, one cannot simply line a bird cage with a tattoo and pretend it never happened.

And what about piercings?

Just the other day, I talked to a guy and was distracted by an earring. I’m accustomed to men wearing earrings, but this fellow just didn’t seem like the right type ... it didn’t work for him.

As for me, I have enough maintenance issues without adding holes to my body that must be taken care of, not to mention providing them with jewelry.

Another thing I cannot understand is wearing uncomfortable clothing, beginning at the bottom with shoes.

How many times have you heard the words, “My shoes are killing me”? Life is too short and we have too many places to go to wear uncomfortable shoes just to be in style.

Style? Why should discomfort be a style?

I do not understand.

Other clothing, too, is beyond my comprehension.

The baggy pants – “pants on the ground” – popular with teen and young adult men make the best example.

I’ll see a guy walking down the street, struggling to hold his cell phone to his head, carry a sack in his other hand and meanwhile tug on the band of his trousers with every step. The alternative method is to simply grab the pants and hold them up while walking.

It’s not only uncomfortable but dangerous. How easily might one miss grabbing his pants on one step and have them literally hit the ground, hog-tying him in the process?

Hairstyles can also be a bit perplexing at times. I was checking out at some store the other day and the young woman ringing up my purchases really needed a third hand to brush her hair out of her face.

“Doesn’t that drive you crazy?” I wanted to ask, but I didn’t.

Yes, there is a lot I do not understand. Maybe I’m missing out on a lot by not tattooing and piercing my artificially tanned flesh, but I think I’ll just plod along in my ignorance for now.