Middle age is an elusive definition. My dictionary says it is “the period of human life between youth and old age, sometimes considered as the years between 45 and 65 or thereabout.”
Forcing the dictionary to resort to an ambiguity such as “or thereabout” underscores what we already know. One’s age is as much a state of mind as a numbering of years.
So, if blowing out 45 candles does not itself signify becoming middle-aged, perhaps we should consider some of the signs that say we may be at or approaching the downside of the hill. Being at the age where I sometimes find it difficult to concentrate that long, I asked a few friends for their help.
Middle age is when you yell at young drivers for driving too fast and you criticize old drivers for driving too slowly.
Marti says it is that age you keep thinking is still ahead until you suddenly realize you don't have to go to a matinee to get cheaper movie tickets.
Middle age is when you’re too young to retire but too old to work like you have the past 20 or 30 years.
Peter says it is when you're so annoyed at the punk kids in your neighborhood riding their skateboards all day and all night in front of your house that you contemplate putting a piano wire across the sidewalk. He suggests you might be transitioning to old age if you actually put the piano wire across the sidewalk.
Middle age is when you find yourself paying attention to ads for Grecian Formula, foods with extra fiber and anything with the word “silver” in it.
Mike sums it up: Middle age is when you look around and notice everyone else is younger than you. Uh, Mike, if they’re all younger, doesn’t that make you ... oh, never mind.
Middle age is when you’re still able to dance, roller skate, sing, etc., but you’re not quite so willing to do so in public.
Cliff says it is when you notice your knees begin to buckle but your belt won't.
Middle age is when you check to see how a restaurant defines “senior” for its reduced price menu.
Martha says it is when you know your spouse is awake and moving about because you hear his or her knees and ankles. Ouch.
Denise says when she hit her 50s, she chose to consider it the "‘youth of my old age,’ so I'm doing things now that I've always wanted to do while I still can.”
Middle age is being old enough to remember mistakes of the past but young enough to think everything will work out fine this time.
Leah says it is when new fashions look suspiciously like what you wore in high school.
Middle age is that time when you consider a menu and find yourself torn between eating healthy to take care of yourself and eating whatever you want because, “At this point, what difference would it make?”
Terrie says middle age hits you when you start looking at the dating networks and your selections are in their 50s.
Mary says middle age is when you say goodbye to your children and hello to your grandkids.
Middle age is when you ... uh, when you ... oh, never mind.
(c) 2010 by Steve Martaindale
1 comment:
Loved it. I like Leah's comment about recycled clothing styles.
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