(c) 2009 by Steve Martaindale
You remember the fantastic public service announcement from the Advertising Council that depicted an egg as “your brain.” They then cracked the egg into a hot, greasy skillet: “This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?”
That came to mind today as I shuffled through a collection of recent news stories that became stories because someone got carried away with one form of drug or another.
Leading the parade is an article from Gazette Online in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, about a mail carrier who made personal service too personal.
Police say the 46-year-old woman’s blood-alcohol content was 3.5 times the legal driving limit as she delivered mail. I’m guessing she decided it would be wise to mix some food with her alcohol and she entered the residence of a 95-year-old woman, helped herself to leftover noodles from the refrigerator and plopped to the floor, eating them with her fingers.
Keep that image in mind when you’re tempted to over-imbibe at your office Christmas party this year.
The Johnson City Press in Tennessee brings us our next entry.
A caller to 911 reported a woman slumped over the steering wheel of a car in a store parking lot, but the woman drove off, erratically, and pulled into a space at a nearby Sonic Drive-In. I’m thinking mozzarella cheese sticks with marinara sauce, but that’s just me.
The police officer arrived and approached the car. waking the woman who was again slumped over the wheel. When the woman woke up ... somewhat ... she handed the cop a $20 bill.
The officer arrested the driver and, during an inventory of the car, reportedly found a used syringe, a spoon with white powdery residue and numerous bottles of prescription medicine.
I wonder if she offered to let the officer keep the change.
The Brownsville Herald in Texas reports about a druggie kind enough to make a house call ... on a police officer.
A 19-year-old had been going door-to-door in the early morning hours attempting to sell marijuana. Maybe he, too, wanted something to eat.
The report says the man knocked on the apartment door of a Brownsville police officer and asked if he wanted to buy some marijuana. The officer told his caller he would be right back and went into his apartment.
Can’t you just visualize the young man drooling over the prospect of grabbing a cheeseburger from an all-night fast food restaurant?
However, when his prospective customer returned, it was not with money but a badge and handcuffs. To make the entrepreneur’s problems worse, he was also carrying a 9mm handgun, presumably without a permit.
Guess his next meal might have been a bologna sandwich.
From the Daily Tribune out of Mount Clemens, Mich., comes a story of true love.
A husband came home to find his wife sleeping with a ... a bottle of vodka, which he threw out. When the 34-year-old woman awoke, she was grumpy and progressively insisted he go to the store for more vodka or food.
When he continued to refuse, she finally resorted to kitchen tools and came at him with a knife sporting a seven-inch blade. Holding her at bay with a chair, hubby called 911 and she returned to bed.
Police ended up arresting the woman for assault with a dangerous weapon.
According to the Pioneer Press in St. Paul, Minn., a 30-year-old woman said she was taking her 2- and 4-year-old sons to a babysitter en route to work, but her erratic driving prompted a call to police.
When an officer tried to pull her over, she refused to stop for several miles. Maybe she was just sober enough to be embarrassed officers would find an open bottle of rum in the diaper bag and marijuana in the front seat.
This truly is your brain on drugs.
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